


Red-headed slut puppies

by zsomeone



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: Gen, Mpreg, beastiality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-06
Updated: 2010-03-06
Packaged: 2018-03-16 20:44:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3502181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zsomeone/pseuds/zsomeone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pickles has an erotic dream and wakes up pregnant.<br/>Pairings: Pickles/ wolf<br/>Warnings: Bestiality (damnit, <i>again</i>?!), cross-species mpreg, made-up Norse mythology, and red-headed slut puppies</p>
            </blockquote>





	Red-headed slut puppies

Pickles was dreaming.  
_A large man with long black hair was nuzzling him. Nathan? Tony? Someone else? He wasn’t sure, and discovered that he didn’t really care. He could feel silky hair slide across his skin._  
_Then a warm tongue, working down his body. A strange but enjoyable blowjob, all tongue, licking his balls, licking his ass._  
_Silky hair sliding again as his lover moved up, a cock seeking entrance._  
_Pickles let it in._

****

Pickles woke up, cold and uncomfortable. He didn’t dare open his eyes just yet.  
So much for his dream of having hot (and oops, gay) sex in his room... Maybe he was on the floor? It wouldn’t be the first time he’d fallen out of bed.  
He sat up and promptly banged his head, forcing him to finally open his eyes. He was outside, and... under the barbeque table? How did that even happen?

And why was he naked? Usually he kept at least his underwear on.  
And why did his ass hurt like he’d very recently had a lot of really gay sex? He tried to think of possible explanations. The dream... had it been Nathan? Had Nathan fucked the shit out of him, and for some reason dumped him out there? That wasn’t very nice.  
But Nathan wasn’t gay, as far as he knew. So it was probably something else.

What about the others? Going on the highly unlikely assumption that they were _all_ gay, who could have done this?  
But no matter how he tried to make it work, nothing explained why he was sleeping out here under a table.  
He crawled out and got up carefully, yes, something had definitely happened during the night. More than once, from the way he was feeling now.

Staggering back into the Haus, Pickles was disturbed to find his bandmates sitting around like everything was just fine. Shouldn’t one of them (hopefully not all of them) be looking at him funny? Guiltily, perhaps?  
There seemed to be no option but to ask. “So hey... did any of ya dump my ass outside last night?”  
They just stared at him blankly. Fine, fuck it, he’d be more direct then. “Okie. Jest tell me which one of ya fucked me last night. I jest wanna know, so tell me.”

They looked at each other questioningly. A lot of shrugging occurred.  
Finally Nathan spoke up. “Uh Pickles? I don’t think any of us, you know, fucked you. Are you sure somebody did?”  
“YES I’M FUCKIN’ SURE!” He sat in a chair, then promptly leaned a bit to the side. His ass really fucking hurt.  
Toki and Skwisgaar gave each other an indecipherable look. “Ams you tinking...?”  
“Ja, I does.”

Pickles attempted to look as authoritative as a naked guy sitting gingerly in a chair could. “If ya know what tha fuck this is ‘bout, ya better tell me.”  
Toki shrugged, and Skwisgaar explained. “De greats wolf god Fenrir has chosens you. He calls you outsides and den has his way wit yous. Oh, and Pickle? You ams going to has puppies.”  
“WHAT THA FUCK?! Yer sayin’ a _wolf_ fucked me?!”  
“Not just any wolfs, a special wolfs.” As if that made everything alright.

Charles chose that moment to enter the room. “What’s going on here?”  
Toki hopped up happily. “Pickle is goings to has puppies! Can we keeps them when they’s born? Pleeease?”  
“NO! I’m naught fuckin’ havin’ _puppies_!”  
“Ja you ams, best be gettings used to it.” Skwisgaar looked bored.  
Charles sighed. “Pickles, come with me. We’ll find you some clothes and take you to the doctor.”

****

There was a band meeting, one of those ‘very important’ ones. Charles waited until they were all seated. (Pickles was oddly absent.) “Well, as unbelievable as this might sound, Pickles is pregnant. He’s either having twins or a very small litter, we can’t determine the species inside of him just yet. If they are indeed puppies, we’ll know very soon. Skwisgaar, Toki, I need to ask you both more about these legends you spoke of. Nathan and Murderface, you can go but please don’t tease Pickles.”  
This was way too weird, so they happily left as asked.

Charles was waiting.  
Toki decided to fill him in. “You sees, the great Fenrir pick a persons and makes them come outsides. Because he doesn’t like houses or something, I don’ts remember.”  
“Toki, you ams telling it wrong! Looks, all dat you needs to knows is dat he ams goings to be hasing puppies. He has to be raising dem, den dey will be goings away.”  
They were hopeless. Charles decided he’d just wait until the next ultrasound to find out what they were dealing with.

****

Several weeks later, there was no question what they were dealing with. Pickles had gotten a bit fatter and somewhat grouchy, and the tests and clearly showed two puppies inside him. Impossible as this was, it was happening.  
Charles was torn between admitting Pickles to a _very_ private hospital or just giving him a large cardboard bod and a blanket and letting ‘nature’ run it’s course.  
This wasn’t all that natural, no, not at all.

The doctor assured him that they were very average sized puppies. He even went to so as to unprofessionally suggest that Pickles could probably even poop them out without too much discomfort.  
Pickles didn’t find this at all reassuring, in fact he found it rather horrifyingly creepy.  
So did Charles, who was beginning to think they would have been better off consulting a veterinarian.

****

Pickles had a good selection of drugs, better than most hospital. His plan was to knock himself out at the first sign of labor and not experience exactly how these things would get outside of him. There didn’t seem to be a whole lot of options for that, but he didn’t like any of them.  
Roughly two months after the incident, that day had come.  
Ignoring the cardboard box in the corner of his room, Pickles downed a handful of pills and curled up in a ball on his bed.

He woke up hours later to a horrible pain in his nipples.  
Looking down, he saw that his puppies were... nursing? Did he even have anything to feed them? It seemed that he did, that was pretty creepy.  
They looked a lot like yard wolf puppies, except that they were red. In fact, they were the color of his hair.  
He groped for his Dethphone weakly, dialing the manager’s number. “Charles, I... had the puppies...”

Charles showed up quickly. “So how did they-“  
I don’t know an’ I don’t ever _wanna_ know. If ya figure thet out, _do naught_ tell me!”  
Nodding agreeably, Charles picked the puppies up and looked them over. Other than the color, they seemed like perfectly normal puppies. “Congratulations, you have two... uh daughters, I suppose. They’re both female. I’m sure the others will want to see them, so if you’re up for some company..?”  
Pickles just shrugged, then nodded.

A very short time later, the rest of the band stood in the doorway. What was the protocol for greeting your _male_ bandmate who had just gave birth to _puppies_?  
Well all but Toki, who immediately when into ‘ooh puppies’ mode and pounced on them, scooping one up and rubbing his face against the soft little thing.  
Pickles looked concerned, but it was a puppy after all... it should be okay to treat it like one. Not it, she. He’d better hurry up and name them before someone (most likely Toki) asked.

Toki switched puppies, and was rubbing noses with the new one until it started mouthing him. “Pickle, I think she’s hungries.”  
“Gawd... ya ‘ave _no idea_ how much thet hurts.” But he let her nurse anyway.  
“What’s their names?”  
“Eh...” Pickles tried to think fast. An odd swirly pattern on one inspired him. “Cinnamon Buns, this one is Cinnamon Buns. And _this_ one...” Shit, think faster... “is Shoes.”

“Those are weird names Pickle, are you’s high?”  
“Yep.”  
Skwisgaar was studying the scene. “Well I guess dis ams proving de legends ams true. Better yous dan me, Pickle. It ams an honor, but not one I wants.”  
Nathan and Murderface apparently couldn’t think of a single thing to say.  
Thinking that Pickles needed a rest (and probably more drugs), Charles ushered everyone out of the room.

****

Three months later, the band was wondering how much longer the puppies would be there. They’d asked Skwisgaar, but if he knew the exact time frame he wasn’t telling.  
There had been a debate as to what breed they might be. Pickle Puppies, god-wolves, what?  
Nathan had declared them to be red-headed slut puppies, and that name stuck. Pickles was mad until Nathan explained that he meant it like ‘that red-headed slut’s puppies’, not that the puppies themselves were slutty.

But they were running all over the Haus, and getting into everything.  
Ironically, Shoes got into Murderface’s room and destroyed yet another civil war shoe. She was the more mischievous one, Cinnamon Buns tended to be sweeter. (That was also a bit ironic.)  
Pickles had weaned them (his poor nipples _still_ hadn’t recovered), and they now spent most of their time with Toki. He was the only one who would play with them, and they often followed him like twin red shadows.

Charles didn’t know what to do. Should they keep them forever as house pets, put them outside with the yard wolves, or find homes for them?  
He was spared having to decide, as Toki interrupted his musings. “They’s gone! Makes them come back?!”  
“Who’s gone, the puppies? Well, isn’t that what was supposed to happen, according to Skwisgaar?”  
“Ja, but they’s my friends and I wants them back!”

It turned out that Toki was the only one who was sad.  
Even Pickles (although he was really high as usual) seemed fine with it, he’d done his part and they were on their own now.  
Everybody else was just glad the weirdness was over, although they all suffered the occasional nightmare of _that_ happening to them.

And sometimes, being the devious little bastards that they were, they would carefully move a sleeping band member outside just for the entertainment of hearing their horrified screams when they woke.  
Charles disapproved, and even more so after he himself woke up outside once. That wasn’t funny, there were _wolves_ out there. He hadn’t screamed, but he’d shuddered in a manly way.  
Eventually, this prank would fade as they moved on to new ones.  
Eventually... was so far away.


End file.
